Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a bad mommy. As I type this, my kids are watching Blue's Clues to keep them entertained. I think I've broken just about every rule in the book and the American Academy of Pediatrics would certainly not give me any sort of seal of approval. I routinely post anonymously or flat out lie on baby boards to avoid the militant mother's wrath. Other mothers are scary people... they know much more about raising your children than you do. Or they think they do in any case, and will not hesitate to tell you when you are wrong.
A brief history of my parenting sins:
My daughter could name the characters on The Office long before she could name extended family members. I think at about 18 months, she saw Jim, Michael, Dwight and Pam as family. I don't know that I mind this. She could hum the Jeopardy theme song before she was a year old. It's educational, right?
My daughter was formula fed (with rice cereal on doctor's orders so she would actually keep it down) and disposable diapered and pushed in a stroller, while my son is exclusively breastfed, cloth diapered, and I wear him far more than he sits in a stroller. I'm clearly showing much favoritism (or just learned easier ways of doing things and am far more lazy.)
Despite my fantastic start to introducing my daughter to healthy foods, I have resorted to bribing her with chocolate milk or sugar free popsicles when I just need a few minutes of peace and quiet. Am I proud of this? No. Does it work? Yes.
Since my daughter was born nearly three years ago, we've not lived in any place that has a wonderful year round climate. I used to live in So. California and I miss it terribly. She was born in Maine, and we now live in Texas. I am not a huge fan of the outdoors to begin with, and certainly not when there is snow on the ground, or temperatures are over 100 degrees. So while it may appear that I diligently apply SPF 1000 to my daughter's extremely pale skin... we just don't go outside all that much. When we announce that we are going to the playground, she fully expects that we will be walking through an air conditioned mall to the play area with lovely cushioned benches and medical themed playground equipment (it was donated by a local hospital.) Hey, she's playing with other kids at least, right?
My daughter really loves to show people how smart she is. She can count items up to 20 and can read numbers up to 50. She can read a few words, knows all her letters by sight and sound and can identify all sorts of colors and shapes. She can even spell her name. And you'd think, wow, what a dedicated mother to teach her all of that. How fantastic. Right. I think I'm going to let you think that for a while, and not really tell you that she watches a whole lot of preschool programming, like Sesame Street and Dora and Blue's Clues. But I've gotten kind of sick of watching that stuff with her, so for a brief period every day, we throw on Arrested Development (she needs to learn about social awkwardness and what happens when you steal money from your own company, right?) or 30 Rock (to show her that women can be hilarious and smart and attractive and still not be able to find a good man. All important life lessons, right?) I've mentioned she's not quite three, right? Ugh, I'm a horrible mommy.
Ok, so I don't do everything right. In fact, I do a whole lot of stuff completely wrong. I will tell you though, that my kids know for a fact that they are loved. So much so that they think it is perfectly normal to tell people they've just met that they love them, because that's what mommy and daddy say to them all the time. (Ok, the 8 month old boy can't talk yet but he'd say it if he could.) And while my daughter can grate on me like no one else... she's smart and knows how to push those buttons... she also can curl up next to me, give me a hug and make my whole day right. Then of course she'll go color on the carpet and make me want to cry again. But I guess that's parenting a preschooler.
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