Food Allergies... The New Mommy War Battleground

I was not aware that this was such a hot topic until recently. But apparently food allergies are causing quite the stir, especially in elementary schools. I was aware that some schools are "peanut free" schools. A daycare I worked at was a "peanut free" zone, and we were made aware of any kids with allergies. But I didn't know the extent of this drama until the last week or so. Some schools are going so far as to say that any food made in a factory where peanuts could be processed are banned. Now, I don't have kids in school, so I haven't had to deal with this yet. And if peanuts and peanut products were banned from my house, I can name two people who would probably be very close to malnourished by week's end. (Not me, and not Jonah.) My husband and my daughter love their peanut butter. But sure, if it was going to help make a kid safe, I'd forgo packing the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Thing is, have you ever looked at the labels on foods? Half the stuff that has no business being near peanuts was made in factories where they process them. I don't know why but it is how it goes. So how do parents deal with this? And is it really fair to inflict that one everyone? This is a tough question because I can't imagine parents want to put other children in danger. But for plenty of parents, I can imagine it isn't as simple as substituting the beloved peanut butter and jelly for ham and cheese. Other foods cost more. You have to deal with picky children. Other allergies.

And then there is the issue of how practical and helpful this ban really is. What about the lunch that I prepare in my kitchen where peanuts are allowed? Is that really any different than stuff being packaged in a plant where peanuts are processed? What if I give my kids peanut butter on toast before school, since they can't have it at school, and they don't wash their hands well enough? Are peanuts now going to be banned from my home? I'm not trying to be sarcastic. I just don't know how helpful a school wide ban of peanut products would be if kids are still able to bring their contaminated selves to school. I guess it is a bit like keeping kids home from school when they show signs of sickness. They were already contagious days before that. But it seems like a better solution than doing nothing at all.

Anyway, this one is kind of stumping me. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I don't want kids to have reactions to allergies at school. But I don't know how this should really be managed. Any thoughts?

The Struggle to Eat Vegetables, the Endless Battle

We rarely eat enough vegetables. I like them. Not all of them, but I like most of them, and would be more than happy to eat them, if only the rest of my family would eat them. Kaia does ok, she particularly likes salad, and she'll eat anything if it is off my plate. But Nick refuses to eat anything except for corn, potatoes (both of those don't really count) and carrots if they are cooked soft enough (yuk, soft carrots.) He has recently started eating spinach if it is cooked into stuff he likes... a chicken alfredo florentine works well for him. He'll eat it on chicken pizza as well. And in the occasional salad if said salad also has apples, cranberries and walnuts. Which I can live with. So, with his blessing, because he will freak if I hide food without his knowledge, we've started adding veggie purees to regular foods so that we can all increase our vegetable consumption. I've done this successfully with spaghetti (carrot and squash puree without any detectable flavors or colors) and I just did it with boxed mac and cheese (the model of perfect health, right?) for Kaia. Instead of mixing the chemical laden cheese powder stuff with milk and butter (yum) I added 4 oz. of pureed squash. Then I tasted it to make sure it wasn't too gross and that she'd eat it. As it turns out, you can't even taste it! Who knew? So I guess I'll be making mac and cheese with squash from now on. Yay! Turning a horrible meal, health wise, into something a little bit better. She's gobbling it up as I type! Now if only I can figure out how to get peas into her peanut butter and jelly!

Sugar Free Popsicles, the ultimate pacifier

When my daughter was younger, I was militant about only giving her perfectly nutritious foods. I contemplated skipping the first birthday cake, only to cave when her Nana insisted that one little tiny piece of cake would not kill her, especially since she was far more likely to just play with it than actually eat it. This lasted for a while, then someone gave my daughter sugar. I don't know who it was, I can't remember. All I know is that this has had a profound influence on what my daughter likes to eat. Since starting potty training, we've discovered that while stickers are effective for #1, #2 needed something more enticing. We've discovered that a small piece of chocolate works wonders. Much to my chagrin. Of course, her daddy and I are not the models of healthy eating so I was going to be fighting an uphill battle. This is where sugar free popsicles come in. I know they aren't great for her, but I figure at 15 calories a piece, it won't be her demise. So when I need a few minutes peace, I have been known to offer up a super delicious pineapple, orange, or fruit punch popsicle (usually orange, since I don't like those as much as the other two, and she seems to not mind so long as she's eating a popsicle.) I know this is a horrible practice. I really do. But man, sometimes I just need a break, and those few minutes that she is sitting her in own chair eating one is like a little slice of paradise for me. Made even better if I'm consuming my own pineapple flavored one.

Sleeping.... And the Nightmare Begins!

My children and sleep would appear to be mortal enemies. Kaia will sleep through the night, as she has since she was 5 weeks old, but getting her to go to sleep is a serious battle of wills. She cries, I want to cry. She fights sleep like nothing else while I try to stay awake. Every single night, I have to lay down with her to get her to go to sleep. I know this is my fault. I know it. But man, the screaming, the yelling, the crying that goes on when I try to let her go to sleep on her own is so overwhelming I just give up for my sanity, as well as the sanity of those poor souls that live next to us. I read her books, increasing in length nearly every week to try to lull her into sleep as I read. It rarely works. So then there is singing and praying and then the fight begins. She tosses and turns in an effort to keep herself awake. I pretend to go to sleep to encourage her to sleep, to indicate that it isn't play time, and she should stop asking me for toys. This often results in me actually falling asleep, and Nick having to wake me as quietly as possible so that I won't make any sound, lest she wake up and decide to stay awake for the next three hours. And heaven forbid she take a nap. If she dozes off for even a couple of minutes during the day, she won't sleep until after 11pm. No matter how cranky she is, no matter how tired, we keep her awake.

Of course, Kaia going to bed at 7:30 doesn't mean that we're off the hook for the night. Jonah will be up until about 10pm. He dozes a lot between 8pm and 10pm, but won't actually go down for the night until about 10pm. Then of course, he's up at midnight, then 2am, then 5am, and then awake around 7am. He seems to have an aversion to real sleep. I know, he's supposed to be sleeping through the night by now. He's 8 months old, and I realize that again, this sleep thing is probably my fault. But man, I can't deal with him crying. Since he is still waking up, I can't have him in his room with Kaia, for fear that she will wake up and decide to throw a party. So he is in with me. And in my intense desire for sleep, I get him when he starts crying, because if I don't, it just escalates until I feed him and lull him back to sleep. I want a good night's sleep. Maybe I'll get it once they move out!

Ultimately though, I think that they will start sleeping well, eventually. I'm told teenagers like to sleep, in fact, it is difficult to get them to stop sleeping. I may enjoy that time. Until then I will continue to have that perpetually glazed look in my eyes, where you can tell that I'm a mom of young kids.

Breastfeeding... AKA Feeling Guilty No Matter What You Do

Ever venture into a parenting board where the topic is breastfeeding? Glad you came out alive. How badly were you scarred? If there is one topic to rile mother's up, it is how to feed your kids. Not how to feed their kids... how to feed your kids. Because clearly, breast is best. But formula is great too and not rat poison, and breastmilk could potentially be lacking nutrients, and do you feed it in a bottle or direct port? Are you pumping enough or not enough? Did you mix the formula just right? BPA free bottle? Glass or plastic or medical grade silicone? Wide nipple to emulate the breast, or standard nipple? What kind of pump are you using? Does your formula have DHA? Soy? Gentlease? Organic? What's your diet like? OMG, did you seriously take cold medicine? The questions are endless. The bashing is endless. One of the biggest mommy wars, and sadly there are no winners, except the babies that are getting fed, growing healthy and strong, and are thriving.

I gave up on breastfeeding my daughter about 3 days after we got home from the hospital. I didn't want to nurse in public (ducks to avoid squirting milk from the breastfeeding advocates) so I decided to pump exclusively, giving my daughter my own milk, but from a bottle (ducks to avoid formula cans from formula advocates.) I took a middle road. I only did it for about 4 months, but since I had enough milk stored to last 6 months, I tell people I pumped for 6 months. I know, horrible. But I feel bad enough about denying my daughter the most basic and important bond of her life, yada yada yada. I chose a middle road. It worked for us, until it stopped. Then I had mommy guilt about quitting, even though it was driving me crazy and I'd spend more time crying about feeding her than actually feeding her. Mommy guilt. A whole 'nother post.

Oh, to make matters worse, I'm exclusively breastfeeding my son. Not because I'm some sort of hero or anything. I'm cheap and I'm lazy. The bonding is great, all of that. But seriously it can be a pain sometimes. But he has to eat, and I don't think his system is quite ready for McDonalds yet, so breastfeeding it is. I'm told that it is unfair to my daughter that I'm showing more dedication and love to my son by doing this for him. I don't know. I can say that I worked much harder to feed her in those six months... whoops, four months, than I have in breastfeeding my son for eight months.

Ok, so I have to say, my daughter, who was given milk exclusively for 6 months, then formula, has gotten sick. My son, who has never had a drop of formula, has gotten sick. My daughter has hit all of her developmental milestones early or on time. So has my son. Which is better? Probably breast, since it is more natural. But I have no problems with formula. Which is easier? I don't know. I love how easy it is to feed my son, when I am at home. No bottles to wash, nothing to pump, nothing to mix. It is great. When I'm out and about, I hate it. I don't like nursing in public. It is my right, I get that. But I hate it when people look at me with that look. I hate wondering if someone can see something I don't want them to see (basically, any part of my torso uncovered.) I hate that my husband hardly ever gets to feed our son. He isn't too fond of that either. I hate that I get all the middle of the night shifts, and that my son is now in our bed because he still wakes up at night and wants to eat. Co-sleeping is just easier and allows me a few more minutes of sleep. But man, I hated pumping and I hated cleaning those bottles. So I don't know what wins out. All I know is I'm trying to do the best that I can for my kids. I'm guessing that they'll turn out just fine (well, at least nutritionally... I can't speak for emotionally yet.)

The Bad Mommy's Guide to Not Screwing Up Your Kids (Too Much)

Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a bad mommy. As I type this, my kids are watching Blue's Clues to keep them entertained. I think I've broken just about every rule in the book and the American Academy of Pediatrics would certainly not give me any sort of seal of approval. I routinely post anonymously or flat out lie on baby boards to avoid the militant mother's wrath. Other mothers are scary people... they know much more about raising your children than you do. Or they think they do in any case, and will not hesitate to tell you when you are wrong.

A brief history of my parenting sins:

My daughter could name the characters on The Office long before she could name extended family members. I think at about 18 months, she saw Jim, Michael, Dwight and Pam as family. I don't know that I mind this. She could hum the Jeopardy theme song before she was a year old. It's educational, right?

My daughter was formula fed (with rice cereal on doctor's orders so she would actually keep it down) and disposable diapered and pushed in a stroller, while my son is exclusively breastfed, cloth diapered, and I wear him far more than he sits in a stroller. I'm clearly showing much favoritism (or just learned easier ways of doing things and am far more lazy.)

Despite my fantastic start to introducing my daughter to healthy foods, I have resorted to bribing her with chocolate milk or sugar free popsicles when I just need a few minutes of peace and quiet. Am I proud of this? No. Does it work? Yes.

Since my daughter was born nearly three years ago, we've not lived in any place that has a wonderful year round climate. I used to live in So. California and I miss it terribly. She was born in Maine, and we now live in Texas. I am not a huge fan of the outdoors to begin with, and certainly not when there is snow on the ground, or temperatures are over 100 degrees. So while it may appear that I diligently apply SPF 1000 to my daughter's extremely pale skin... we just don't go outside all that much. When we announce that we are going to the playground, she fully expects that we will be walking through an air conditioned mall to the play area with lovely cushioned benches and medical themed playground equipment (it was donated by a local hospital.) Hey, she's playing with other kids at least, right?

My daughter really loves to show people how smart she is. She can count items up to 20 and can read numbers up to 50. She can read a few words, knows all her letters by sight and sound and can identify all sorts of colors and shapes. She can even spell her name. And you'd think, wow, what a dedicated mother to teach her all of that. How fantastic. Right. I think I'm going to let you think that for a while, and not really tell you that she watches a whole lot of preschool programming, like Sesame Street and Dora and Blue's Clues. But I've gotten kind of sick of watching that stuff with her, so for a brief period every day, we throw on Arrested Development (she needs to learn about social awkwardness and what happens when you steal money from your own company, right?) or 30 Rock (to show her that women can be hilarious and smart and attractive and still not be able to find a good man. All important life lessons, right?) I've mentioned she's not quite three, right? Ugh, I'm a horrible mommy.

Ok, so I don't do everything right. In fact, I do a whole lot of stuff completely wrong. I will tell you though, that my kids know for a fact that they are loved. So much so that they think it is perfectly normal to tell people they've just met that they love them, because that's what mommy and daddy say to them all the time. (Ok, the 8 month old boy can't talk yet but he'd say it if he could.) And while my daughter can grate on me like no one else... she's smart and knows how to push those buttons... she also can curl up next to me, give me a hug and make my whole day right. Then of course she'll go color on the carpet and make me want to cry again. But I guess that's parenting a preschooler.